Baseball: The (Occasionally) Flawed Diamond

I have attended a pair of baseball games so far in this season at Great American Ballpark–home of the Cincinnati Reds–and my trips to the ballpark got me thinking about things that irritate me when attending games and watching baseball in general.  Let me explain the origin of my frustration. 

The first game I could make it to was the three or four-year-old Cincinnati creation of “Opening Night.”  Slightly less fanfare than opening day, but it’s at night… and there were post-game fireworks.  During the course of this titanic struggle (hat tip to Marty Brennaman), the bases were loaded on more than one occasion and the game was somewhat close until the latter innings.  However, from the point of a casual observer, this would have been impossible to discern.  I was in the unfortunate position of being seated along the third baseline, between the third baseman and the left fielder, and in the seat closest to home plate–this means that the aisle was between me and the action on the field.  Let me begin by saying that I certainly understand the need to get another beer, I comprehend that when one consumes multiple beers an urge to urinate may consume you, I  fully grasp the fact that people may become hungry during the course of a nine-inning game, and I can even acknowledge the occasional necessity to stand up and stretch your legs.  However, do you need to do it with the bases loaded in a tie game with a full count?  Twice?  Did you merely buy tickets to come and drink $9 beers?  Do you know what a baseball is?  Could you possibly comprehend that another patron purchased a ticket to watch the game?  I hate people.  This got me thinking, what else do people do at baseball games (in particular) that pisses me off?  Hell, what else do players and coaches do that irks me to no end? So, without further ado:

First and foremost is the aforementioned idiocy of fans… or non-fans for that matter.  You purchased your seat, I purchased mine, now sit down between innings unless you are about to defecate in your britches.  Or, for the love of everything holy, at least move quickly between batters.

People that wear jerseys/tee-shirts/hats/random gear of teams that are not playing in the game on the field.  Look buddy, I get it, you like baseball.  I don’t need to see your Boston jersey and green Red Sox hat at a Reds versus Pirates game.  I know you like baseball, you’re at the game and keeping score on that sweet scorecard you created from Microsoft Excel 97. We get it. 

There's nothing like a day at the ballpark. That is, of course, unless you're sitting by a loud-mouth, frequently whizzing, irrelevant-team's-jersey wearer....

The loud guy behind you that commentates on every pitch.  He knew where the middle relief guy went to undergrad and his E.R.A. in middle school.  At least that is what he would have you believe.  By the time the 3rd inning rolls around, loud guy states something so blatantly false that the douche bag who is getting up mid pitch to get his sixth beer knows Mr. loud guy is a moron.  Also, you’re not funny.

The dude pounding Bud heavy while at the game with his 9 year old.

The drunk girl frantically attempting to grab 10 seconds of camera time on the jumbo-tron.  Congrats honey, your life is now complete.

$9 draft beers.  In Cincinnati.  I cannot even imagine what a beer costs in New York or L.A. 

Now moving to the on-field action, which is often worse than what is going on in the bleachers….

Pinch hitters that come to the plate in the bottom of the 8th and take a monster cut at the first pitch they see.  The guy has been sitting for two+ hours and now he is in a hurry?  Dude, don’t be scared to let one pass… maybe get your bearings a bit.  Or just do what you do and ground out. (Not talking about you Chris Heisey, you’re the lone bright star in the pinch hitting world.)

Guys that can’t get a bunt down.  You’re a professional baseball player and it is a bunt… figure it out.

Pitchers that cannot make the transition from the bullpen to the rotation or vice versa.  I understand there is a bit of a difference, however: you’re still on a mound, you’re still throwing a baseball, you’re still trying to get the guy 60 1/2 feet from you out.  You’re a professional baseball player… figure it out.

Lead-off walks.  Opposing team scores that run every single time.

Runners that get picked off.  Pay attention bro.

National League managers that let the pitcher hit when he is sucking ass and it is passed the 5th inning (looking at you Dusty Baker).  Especially, when they trot back out for the 6th inning, give up a lead-off double and then the manager makes the call to the pen.

Despite all of this, I love baseball.  It’s America’s pastime, and going to games is one of my favorite things to do.  I watch my hometown Reds nearly every night and I will attend 15-20 games this year, hopefully.  But these are the things that make me crave basketball season’s return by the end of the summer.  What annoys you about baseball, anything?

By: Dru Boyer

Sign Up For WhereToWatch to Find Where Fans are Watching Your Favorite MLB Team

It’s baseball season and that means another summer of meeting your friends at the bar to watch the game.  Wait, you don’t do that?  You mean to tell me the bars you go to only show local market teams? No. That can’t be true. Check out the list of bars in your area that have MLB Extra Innings so you can catch your team wherever you are.  Even better, check out the bars where fans of your team meet up. 

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